Many times clients come to me for a family law consultation when they have problems in their marriage. We usually begin by discussing their particular marital situation. This often involves recounting past events and the present situation. How long have they been married? Are there any kids? What assets have they accumulated? Is one or both spouse working?
After we go through these discussions, what I often hear is that the client is unhappy...often VERY unhappy...but they are not sure whether they want to go through with a divorce. Sometimes I get the feeling they are looking to me for guidance on what to do. Of course, my role as attorney is not to advise whether to get a divorce but to advise how to get divorced and what issues, considerations and determinations come into play. I usually ask if the client has sought any professional advice from a marital counselor or therapist. As an attorney, I am not trained to determine the whether, just the how, when, and where, of getting divorced.
Sometimes clients decide initially not to divorce and to either "stick it out" or to "work on it." However, more times that not, they eventually are back in our office, ready to proceed. Unfortunately, sometimes they are more unhappy than ever and their marriage, rather than being saved, has instead gone down the tube.
Even though it is not my role to tell a client whether to divorce, as a legal professional and as a person I do have my own opinion about whether getting divorced is better than staying in a bad marriage. Admittedly, going through a divorce is not pleasant. In fact, it ranks among the most stressful and unpleasant events in life. It takes its toll on the spouses and on any children.
Nonetheless, I believe that being divorced is better than being miserable in a bad marriage. Why do I say this? First, when a person divorces, at least he or she has the prospect of moving on and finding happiness. He or she may meet someone who appreciates and treats them with love, kindness and respect. If they stay in a bad marriage, it is hard to move on and to develop a meaningful relationship with someone special. Another reason for my opinion is that when someone is unhappy in a marriage it impacts those around them. For example, children usually know when parents are not getting along. The parents' unhappiness can spill over to the children and in the long run, it can impact their well-being and happiness. In addition, an unhappy marriage can effect a person's health (mental, emotional and physical). Depression, unmanageable anger, anxiety, etc. are all potential results of prolonging a bad marriage. The bottom lines is that life is to short and too precious to live it being unhappy.
In sum, when clients have an unhappy marriage, I recommend that they seek advice, both personal and professional. Hopefully, if the marriage can be salvaged, this will help. However, if the problems persist to the level that the person is very unhappy, I recommend proceeding with divorce rather than prolonging his or her unhappiness. Life is precious and should be abundant. Living life with a spouse who does not show his or her spouse love, kindness and respect is not consistent with the abundance of life.
